Gay Ranch Hand

Thanks, Erlys.



A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two cowboys applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching.

For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, 'You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town and kick up your heels.'


The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock and no hired hand. Finally he returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him.

She quietly called him over to her.

'Unbutton my blouse and take it off,' she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

'Now take off my boots.' He did as she asked, ever so slowly. 'Now take off my socks.'

He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boot's.

'Now take off my skirt.' He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

'Now take off  my bra.' Again, with trembling hands, he did as he
was told and dropped it to the floor.

Then she looked at him and said, 'If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired.'


(P.S. Didn you see that coming?)

Dear Kean Elementary:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Springer Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away. I am all alone now and it's nice to know that someone is thinking of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio, but before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she was napping. The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to kiss my ass.

Thank you for that opportunity.

Sincerely,
Edna

Seniors - don't mess with them!

Two businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store wasn't ready, with only a few shelves set up.

One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'

No sooner were the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious senior walked to the window, had a peek, and in a soft voice asked "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling ass-holes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You're doing well. Only two left."

KANSAS CITY CHIEFS 2009 SCHEDULE

**September**
13.....................Raytown Junior High School
20.....................Cub Scout Troop #101
27.....................K.C. Blind Academy
**October ***
04.....................Spanish American War Vets
11.....................Crippled Children's Home
18.................... Eloise Mental Hospital
25.....................Girl Scout Troop # 353
**November**
01.....................Missouri Venereal Disease Clinic
08.....................Fraser Boys Choir
15.....................Korean Vets
22.....................National Hospital Pastorial Ministers
26.....................Overland Park Synchronized Swimming Team
**SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME ***
**December**
08....................Brookside Gay Boys Club
**** RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR ****
1 - When playing polio patients, the Chiefs must not disconnect knee
braces.
2 - When playing the Blind Academy , the Chiefs must not hide the
football under their jerseys.
**** RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR ****
1 - A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried over the goal line.
For all you Chiefs fans that have never seen this) it is still worth 6
points.
2 - The Chiefs will be allowed 20 men on the field at all times.
3 - The Chiefs will be allowed to substitute with band members at anytime.
4 - The Chiefs will be awarded 10 timeouts as opposed to 3 for the
opposing team.
5 - The Chiefs will be awarded a first down with each gain of three
yards or more, instead of the usual ten yards.
**** NAME CHANGE ****
The KANSAS CITY CHIEFS will be changed to the "KANSAS CITY TAMPONS"
as they are only good for one period and have no second string.