Old Lady

A walker noticed an old lady sitting on her front step, so he walked up to her and said, "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look! What is your secret?"

"I smoke ten cigars a day," she said.

"Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint.

Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food.

On week-ends, I pop pills, get laid, and do no other exercise at all."

"That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?"

"Twenty-four," she replied.

Zero Tolerance Speed Camera

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DRIVE IN OR THROUGH ALABAMA



New Alabama Highway ZeroTolerance Speed Camera
With the Alabama highway death toll continuing to increase, this will be the first year that Zero Tolerance Speed Cameras will be used. The new cameras look a bit different than normal speed surveillance cameras. I have included a photo so that you will know what to look for as you're traveling around our great state. Make sure you do not speed when approaching one. Please take this warning seriously as these new devices offer no warnings or second chances. Happy motoring!

WHO SAYS MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.

She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room, "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "I am just remembering when we first met 20 years ago and started dating. You were only 16. Do you remember back then?" he asks solemnly.

The wife is almost reduced to tears herself, just thinking how caring and sensitive her husband is. "Yes, I do" she replies.

The husband pauses.

The words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes, I remember," said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues. "Do you remember when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?" "I remember that, too" she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today."