How Now Blue Cow

The place I post funnies, so they can be deleted from my email.....

Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Anger Management

Thanks, Grier.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to  take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, Take it  out on someone you don't know, But you know deserves  it.
I was sitting at my desk when  I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make.  I found the  number and dialed it. A man answered, saying  'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris. Could I please speak  with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic  voice yelled out in my ear 'Get the right f***ing number!' And the phone  was slammed down on me.
I  couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.  When I tracked down  Robyn's correct number to call her,  I found that I had  accidentally transposed the last two digits.  After hanging up with  her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number  again.
When the same guy answered the  phone, I yelled 'You're an asshole!' and hung up. I wrote his number  down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk  drawer.

Every couple of weeks, When I was paying  bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, 'You're an  asshole!' It always cheered me up.
When  Caller ID was  introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' Calling would have to  stop. So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is John Smith from the telephone  company.  I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?'

He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.

I quickly  called him back and said, 'That's because you're an asshole!' And hung  up   

One day I was at the store, Getting  ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW Cut me off  and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.  I hit the  horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot  ignored me. I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window, so I wrote  down his number.
A couple of days later, Right after calling the  first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd  better call the BMW asshole, too.
I  said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?'
He said, 'Yes,  it is.'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said,  'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd  in  Fairfax . It's a yellow ranch, and the car's parked right out in  front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don  Hansen,'   
I asked, 'When's a good time  to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after  five'.
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?' He said,  'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an asshole!' Then I hung up, and added  his number to my speed dial,  too.
Now, when I had a  problem, I had two assholes to call.  Then I came up with an  idea.  I called asshole # 1. He said, 'Hello.' I said, 'You're an  asshole!' (But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?' I  said, 'Yeah!'
He screamed,'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make  me!'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don  Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, 'Asshole, I  live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax  ,
A yellow ranch, I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He  said, 'I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying  your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole!' and  hung up.
Then I called Asshole #2. He  said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, asshole!'
He yelled, 'If I  ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He  exclaimed, 'I'll kick your ass!'
I answered, 'Well, asshole, here's  your chance. I'm coming over right now.'
Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I  lived at  34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax , and that I was on my way  over there to kill my gay lover.  Then I called Channel 9 News  about the gang war going down in Oaktree Blvd in  Fairfax.
I quickly got into  my car and headed over to Fairfax. I got there just in time to watch two  assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an  overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I  feel much better. 
Anger management really does  work.


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