East Texas --gotta love it!!

The owner of a golf course in Lufkin was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Texas and I need some help. If I wereto give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings."
You gotta love those East Texas women.

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A group of Tyler friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail,"the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

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A senior at Texas A&M was overheard saying.. "When the end of the worldcomes, I hope to be in East Texas.

When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in East Texas because everything happens in East Texas 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.

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The young man from Texas A&M came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?" The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

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NEWS FLASH! -Brian/College Station's worst disaster occurred when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two Texas A&M students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.

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A Texas State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-20. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

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A man in Tyler had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire." The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?" The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flaresin the back! I never did understand it either."

Ole's Answer

Ole had a car accident. In court, the trucking
company's lawyer was questioning Ole .

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked
the lawyer.

Ole responded, "Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?"

Ole said, "Vell, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road...."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to
establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told
the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now
several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I
believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the
question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Ole 's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule, Bessie".

Ole thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Vell as I vas saying, I had
just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and vas
driving her down the highway ven this huge semi-truck and trailer
ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I vas
thrown into one ditch and Bessie vas thrown into the other. I vas
hurting, real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear
Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just
by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came
on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went
over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he
took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman
came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me and said, "How
are you feeling?"

"Now vat the HELL vould you say?